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Thursday, December 15, 2011

Just when you think it's safe...

When Brad dropped the kids off last night I asked 'Where are their jackets?"  I asked primarily because he is obsessive about them having jackets, not because I really care.

He said "It's a long story."  Then he started talking about how I needed to send a note to the school because they would not release Luke and he had to wait for him and on and on.  I asked a question because I was confused about which school and what had actually happened.  It seemed like he started the story in the middle and I couldn't figure out what the problem was and exactly what I needed to do about it. (Luke rides the bus from elementary school to an after-care program at a Montessori school.)

He decided that I had interrupted him, which is a heinous crime in his mind.   I eventually got the story out of him, but in between there was 10-15 minutes of him ranting and raving.

"You always interrupted me, that's why we're not married anymore. You never let me finish, you have to let me finish.  I hate you and I hate coming over here to drop the kids off and have to act nice to you.  Why can't you listen to me, I will tell you the story if you just listen.   You never take responsibility for your actions, etc."

He was raising his voice and occasionally yelling all of this at me in a very condescending tone.  I tried to explain that I had just asked a question to clarify and that I had not intended to interrupt him.  I went outside to the front porch to discuss it with him, but he would not stay out there.  He kept coming back inside where the kids were.  At one point he locked me out of the house for about ten seconds.

I kept telling him to leave, but he wouldn't.  He got so mad that he made a fist and punched in the air above my head.   I tried to get him out the door, but he blocked it with his foot, so I could not close it.

He kept saying "You have to listen, I have to have the last word."   It was terrible and terrifying.  I was finally able to close and lock the door on him.   It was exactly like every argument we had when we were married.   We weren't actually arguing about anything.  We were arguing about my bad behavior in the relationship.  It took all my willpower not to scream at him. I did not want to do it because the kids were there.

After he left, my muscles were aching and I was shaking with adrenaline.  I was furious and scared, but I had to act normally, put on one TV show for the kids and then put them to bed.   It's like an emotional bungee jump.

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