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Thursday, December 15, 2011

Just when you think it's safe...

When Brad dropped the kids off last night I asked 'Where are their jackets?"  I asked primarily because he is obsessive about them having jackets, not because I really care.

He said "It's a long story."  Then he started talking about how I needed to send a note to the school because they would not release Luke and he had to wait for him and on and on.  I asked a question because I was confused about which school and what had actually happened.  It seemed like he started the story in the middle and I couldn't figure out what the problem was and exactly what I needed to do about it. (Luke rides the bus from elementary school to an after-care program at a Montessori school.)

He decided that I had interrupted him, which is a heinous crime in his mind.   I eventually got the story out of him, but in between there was 10-15 minutes of him ranting and raving.

"You always interrupted me, that's why we're not married anymore. You never let me finish, you have to let me finish.  I hate you and I hate coming over here to drop the kids off and have to act nice to you.  Why can't you listen to me, I will tell you the story if you just listen.   You never take responsibility for your actions, etc."

He was raising his voice and occasionally yelling all of this at me in a very condescending tone.  I tried to explain that I had just asked a question to clarify and that I had not intended to interrupt him.  I went outside to the front porch to discuss it with him, but he would not stay out there.  He kept coming back inside where the kids were.  At one point he locked me out of the house for about ten seconds.

I kept telling him to leave, but he wouldn't.  He got so mad that he made a fist and punched in the air above my head.   I tried to get him out the door, but he blocked it with his foot, so I could not close it.

He kept saying "You have to listen, I have to have the last word."   It was terrible and terrifying.  I was finally able to close and lock the door on him.   It was exactly like every argument we had when we were married.   We weren't actually arguing about anything.  We were arguing about my bad behavior in the relationship.  It took all my willpower not to scream at him. I did not want to do it because the kids were there.

After he left, my muscles were aching and I was shaking with adrenaline.  I was furious and scared, but I had to act normally, put on one TV show for the kids and then put them to bed.   It's like an emotional bungee jump.

Sunday, December 11, 2011

A Little Awkward


My dad was here for the weekend for my daugher's birthday and it was great. I know now that my dad never liked Brad and had serious concerns about him years before the divorce.   Based on the way my dad saw Brad treating me and the kids, he pretty much loathed Brad; but he held his tongue thinking it was my life and my decision. 

Somehow Brad knows my dad hates him, or assumes he does.  He knows I told my family what he did to me and I think he's really embarrassed or ashamed in front of my dad - must be a guy thing.   So it's a bit awkward when they are in the room together.   We were all at the birthday party, and then Brad insisted on coming over to the house so he could see Cassie open her presents from her friends.   I personally think this was ridiculous, but Brad is very hard to say 'no' to. There's always the implication that if you don't agree to what he wants he's going to get mad and then you never know what's going to happen.

When Brad is around, my dad essentially ignores him. Boy do I wish I could do the same, but because of the kids, that won't ever happen. I can always dream, though. My hope is that over time, as Brad sees the kids more and as the pain of the divorce fades, he'll need to interact with me less. I really hope that turns out to be the case because right now it's pretty painful. 

I feel dread when I hear the phone ring with the special ring tone I have for him. I often wait for a while to listen to his voice mails. I do more of the drop-offs than I am legally required to do because it's easier for me that way since I don't go into his house, even though he always comes into mine. I could go on and on, but it gets pretty repetive.


I have not heard from or talked to Brad in almost 48 hours and it's been wonderful. Sometimes it's the little things in life that make you happy!

Monday, December 5, 2011

Wondering What the ?

I had a huge run-in with Brad today. 

All seems to be calm now, but basically he did not like the fact that my father was going to be the one to receive my daughter when Brad brought her back home after her birthday dinner.   He completely freaked when he found out.  He called like 20 times, left 16 voice mails and texted a few times as well. I did not talk to him for almost six hours as he was repeatedly calling and leaving voice mails, threatening to take me to court, etc. He wanted me to change my plans, so I would be there to receive Cassie, but I refused. I gave him several options via email of other days when I would be there and he was not happy with any of those.

I just don't understand why he was so upset.  He says I agreed back in April that he would never have to deal directly with my parents. I don't remember this. He says I agreed to let him have Cassie on Friday for four hours. Fine - I never he couldn't have that, I just said my dad would be the one at home instead of me.  Basically, he knows my dad does not like him - no kidding. And he said my dad would be 'giving him looks' as he dropped Cassie off.   I replied that he could just stay by the car as she walked to the door, but he wasn't having any of it.  One of his last texts said something like "kids will be in custody of CPS within 48 hours if you don't answer the phone and talk to me."  Nice, huh?  

Finally after that text about CPS,  I did call to talk to him and it went predictably bad. I hung up when he screamed f*** you at me.  He told me he'd spent thousands of dollars already preparing court documents, that I had to humbly apologize or he would follow through on the court proceedings.   It was terrible, I was very upset and I didn't know what to do.  I called my mom and we strategized.  I did not want to give in, but I was afraid of what he might do if I did not.  I felt like I had to stand my ground.  I was mentally preparing an email denying him some extra time I had given him when he sent an email with a proposal.

Finally,  he had relented and come up with a slightly different option, to which I quickly agreed.  I don't know why he finally compromised.  Once again, his reaction was completely out of proportion to the situation.   I vaguely think it was some sort of jealousy, but I can't be sure.  He had assumed I would be home and when he found out I would not be, he became unhinged. 

He went insane for several hours and then sometime between 5:05pm and 5:59pm became somewhat rational again.  I don't get it, but I guess I never will.