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Thursday, September 22, 2011

And Again

I had a completely different post altogether planned for today, but I instead I am sitting here, sick to my stomach, hands trembling because of Brad.

I had an appointment about Cassie this morning, nothing major or really important.   I happened to be on the phone with Brad about scheduling when I had to leave, so I told him I was going to the meeting and he asked me to call him afterwards to let him know how it went.  After the meeting, I had to get back to work, and I had a business lunch scheduled.   While I was at lunch, he called my cell phone seven times, and texted me twice.  This first one said ‘when are you going to pick up’, the second one said ‘when are you going 2 b avail’.   This all in a time frame less than 45 minutes.  I had no idea what the issue was, so I called back (a mistake I will not make again when he repeatedly calls.)
I called him back and basically said “What’s up?”  He was upset that I had not called him right after I left the meeting and furious that I had not answered the phone, or texted him during lunch.   He assumes that I actually heard the phone, or the texts and was ignoring him.  I actually only heard it once, but even if I had heard it all those times, I would not have answered or texted.  The phone was in my purse on the floor and it would have been rude to get it out during the business lunch.   

He went off on me about how he did not care “what I was doing” or “who I was doing”, but I had to respond to him within ten minutes. He said I had already agreed to this (which, of course, I had not).   He said I was ignoring him and was trying to get away with something and “acting just like you did when we were married”,   and that my behavior like this was “the reason we are not married anymore”.  I told him calling seven times was unreasonable and that he should call once, or send one text message, and wait for me to respond.    I told him calling that much just made me mad and he said “I’m trying to make you mad.”  To what end I can’t possible imagine.
I told him that I would try to respond in a timely manner if it was about the kids, but I would not commit to ten minutes.   I told him that we were not married anymore, and I did not owe him any specific response time, and I was only being courteous by responding as quickly as a typically did. I was raising my voice a little because I was now furious myself.   Then he hung up on me. He called back twice in the next hour, but I did not answer.  Then he texted that soccer practice was cancelled, so I texted back that I would get Cassie (it was planned that he would take her to soccer).   

I thought I had until Luke’s soccer game on Saturday before I had to deal with him again, but at 6:30 pm he texted me – ‘I have a question, u call me or I call you’.   First of all this is a demand, not a request, and second of all – I have no intention of talking to him on the phone right now.  I had decided earlier in the day to only communicate via email or text, at least in the short term.  I typed ‘Please send an email’ in response to his text and my hands were trembling as I pressed ‘Send’.  I was waiting for the storm.  It was so hard not to give in and call him because I knew that the text would make him mad, but I was determined.  The kids were in the car and I did not think there was any way the conversation would go well.   

I immediately called my mom and told her what I had done.   His response to my text was to call me three more times in the next seven minutes while I was on the phone with her.  I did not answer.   I was scared.   He left a voice mail that I finally had the nerve to listen to as I was cooking dinner.  Basically it said “I’m going to the PTA meeting tonight and I have some questions, just give me a call, I don’t want to play email games.”  Well the meeting is probably over by now and I have yet to hear back from him, so I guess it wasn't that important.  At least his voice mail was only annoying and not threatening.  I was afraid to listen to it, but I was prepared to call the police if it had been threatening at all. I am still scared.  I think he might drive by the house and lurk.  I think he might still be upset on Saturday, I just don’t know.  

The part that is so scary is how quickly he gets extremely angry over nothing and reverts back to his old behavior.  The meeting was at 10 am; assuming he thought it was over at 10:30am, he was expecting a call then.  By 12:15pm he was calling me because I had not called him to report back and two minutes later he was repeatedly calling and texting.   This issue became urgent and obsessively important to him in less than two hours.  It’s just ridiculous and yet it’s the reality I’m dealing with. It proves that I never know what will set him off.   Was it really because I had not called back, or was it really because he got jealous when I did not answer my phone at lunch time?   Who knows.  What I do know is that his behavior is completely unacceptable and yet there doesn’t seem to be anything I can do about it.  The good news is writing about it helps, which is one of the things I have learned since starting this blog.   

I feel better now.   Thanks for listening.

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