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Sunday, August 21, 2011


So June was, I suppose, a bit better, as far as the number of incidents.   The routine changed to six hours on each of Brad’s days which gave me a little more time to do a home clean-up project, or take a nap.   Either in April or May, Brad had said he wanted to take the kids to Six Flags, and I thought he had given up on it, because he had not brought it up in a while.  I was wrong.  In mid-June when he had the kids for his dinner visit and I was at Wal-mart, he called to discuss this.  It was a little stressful because since I thought he had given up on the idea, I had planned to take a day off the next week to take the kids.  Here’s what he had to say.

06/14/11 on phone  - discussing Six Flags - said “there must be something wrong with your brain”, later at drop-off - further to conversation about Six Flags extra time – said “you’re the worst mistake I ever made”  and “I only married you because I felt sorry for you” – in front of Cassie
Nice.  Since I was not whole-heartedly on board with the project, he decided I was crazy and felt it necessary to be verbally abusive in front of Cassie.  He fundamentally does not understand why I don’t want him with the kids.  They would have been at school otherwise, so it does not affect my time with them, so he thinks I should be happy for him to have them.    He seems to have completely forgotten all of his ‘anger management issues’ as my mom calls them.   

Here is an exampleof why I do not trust him. I was picking up Luke to go to a birthday party and Cassie was going to spend time with Brad while Luke was at the party.

06/18/11 – picking up Luke for b-day party – Cassie was crying – heaving sobs, Brad said it was because she was trying to sit in Luke’s chair and he told her no, when I asked Luke in the car, he said Brad had yelled really loudly at her and spanked, Brad called to say he did not yell or spank, later when I asked Cassie she said he yelled, but did not spank

What to do?  I totally believe he yelled.  He even felt it necessary to call me in the car when he still had her and explain to me that he had not yelled at her or spanked her.   Guilty conscience maybe?  I’ll never know.  I wrote in down in my journal and left it at that. 

The next incident was related to soccer.  He had mentioned a few weeks before that even if I did not want to do it, he would do it on ‘his own time’ and pay for it.   I don’t know how he thought he could ever pull this off,  because it would be one practice and one game for each kid every week.  It doesn’t make any sense that he could do it on ‘his’ time.  Anyway, I was feeling cash poor after paying for gymnastics, t-ball and swim lessons and I sent him an email asking if he wanted to sign them up for soccer, implying that he would pay.   I thought this was a nice way of asking him to pay without coming right out and saying it.  I was wrong.  He was mad for almost a week about this.

06/29/11 Wednesday afternoon – mad because I asked if he would set kids up for soccer – threatened to “tell Cassie the truth” about how I was wrong to ask and not be ‘straightforward’ – threatened to go back to court, said I was wrong and must apologize , then did not show up at Luke’s ice cream party

06/30/11 Thursday – very brief drop off of Luke after haircut

07/1/11 Friday -  did not show at swim lessons – radio silence since Wednesday afternoon
07/03/11 Kids drop off – told me he’s going to ‘stop arguing’ with me about stuff, said the soccer offer was last year (but it was not), we are both to just be straightforward in our communication, said ‘are you moving someone in?’ when I gave him box I had filled with stuff from office

Almost a week of anger because I had the nerve to ask him to pay.  He said he was more mad that I asked in a sneaky way, rather than coming out and asking directly.  Whatever. And the court threat? Again - whatever.
About the moving someone in comment  -   I had cleaned up the office and found some odds and ends of his while he had the kids that day. When I gave him the box, his first reaction was “Are you moving someone in?”   The first words out of his mouth - not only does this cross his mind, but he actually says it out loud.  This was about two days after I thought I he finally understood that I had not started dating yet.   It’s just unbelievable. 

Every time these things happen, my world tilts.   I just can’t believe it’s happening and yet it is.  He is so unpredictable, so jealous, and so much in my life that sometimes I feel like I can’t stand it.  Luckily, I have a good support system and I will call my friends or family, rant and rave for a while, laugh at the situation, and then move on.  I forget just how obnoxious he is sometimes until I go back to my journal, which I suppose is a good thing, because otherwise I’d be a bitter and crazy lady.

1 comment:

  1. I lived in a emotionally abusive relationship for 20 years. My ex would have melt downs and throw and break things while screaming and rant and raving. When he would get like this, there was no one home behind his eyes.

    He threatened for several years to burn our home down if I ever left him. Well, he finally "accidently" caught our home on fire.

    Some many things have happened, I wish I had kept a journal to look back on when I remember the good times, and feel guilty for leaving.


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