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Sunday, July 17, 2011

The second time I tried to leave

With Brad there was a definite pattern. If he was mad in the morning, and still mad in the afternoon (usually on the phone when I was at work), he would be furious by the evening and things would get violent.

The two days below clearly show this pattern.

July 20th 
07/20/09 – Monday - AM – 2- mad because I said I wanted to reach a happy medium on sex – threatened to cheat, not have sex, said I was bitchy and immature and it’s no wonder all of my ex’s cheated

07/20/09 – Monday noon – 4,5 – still mad from earlier, accused me of cheating, told me he didn’t care about me and that he would cheat, insisted I take a lie detector test to prove I have not cheated, very demeaning and disrespectful - told me to shut up and that I was a terrible person, lots of shouting

07/20/09 PM – Monday – 5+ still mad – insists I admit that I started the argument, say everything he said after I started it does not matter, threatened to beat me to death and they’d “find my body in a pipeline” if we got divorced, said we cannot get divorced, said he would have lots of other lovers and that I would eventually realize what I was missing with sex, accused me of cheating, lots of cussing c**t, b***h, wh**e, told me I was a terrible person 

Note how he mentions where they will find my body and that we cannot get divorced– these are both huge red flags, indicating men that have a higher likelihood of killing their partners.   (The references to tanning below only make sense if you know that it was the spray-on tanning and you can’t sweat, ie: no sex, for six hours afterwards or it gets uneven.)

August 5th 
08/05/09 Wednesday AM – 2 - mad because I wanted to wait one more day for sex, he ‘gave’ me last night and expected it tonight, told me I have to have sex and that I cannot go tan, yelled in front of the kids about how I lie and don’t communicate, told me I have never changed anything and that I have to apologize and change, said I should communicate how I feel more

08/05/09 Wednesday AM and afternoon – 4 – mad from before because I don’t take responsibility, wants me to apologize, cussed, yelled – threatened to destroy my clothes if I go tan, called incessantly when I was trying to work and did not want to talk

08/05/09 Wednesday PM – 5+ - still mad – yanked me by the arm in front of kids, said I looked old and was ugly, shoved me, then shoved me against door really hard and hurt my neck and back, told me I have to listen to him rant and tell me what’s wrong with me first – then maybe he’ll lower his voice , wants to move forward, asked for sex, but I said no

So later in August when I saw the same pattern building up, I went ahead and came home but was planning to make an escape later. He frequently went upstairs, so I thought I could pack a suitcase and get out quietly.

08/31/09 Monday AM – 4 – mad because I asked him about Cassie’s clothes – very demanding and demeaning and insisted I was ‘wrong’ the way I brought it up

08/31/09 Monday PM – 5 – yelled and cussed because I told him what I did was only a little bit “wrong” re nagging, told me not to come home – much shouting and ‘shut up’,' f**k you', etc.

08/31/09 Monday PM – 5 – yelled and cussed at me all the way home (on the phone) about how wrong I was and how I need to change – I finally agreed to come home, then left and went to a hotel – he was still sleeping 

I came home and he was asleep (passed out) upstairs. I had kept the bag of toiletries I bought the first time I left hidden in my closet. I grabbed that and packed some work clothes, and some clothes and toys for the kids, and told them we were going on an adventure. I loaded them into the car, went to the grocery store for some supplies, and checked into a hotel. I was going to get the kids settled and then call my family to let them know I was leaving him.  I was 10 minutes away from freedom. Then he called.

After much discussion, promising, and begging on his part, I agreed to come home the next day after work. There were a few minor agreements in the meantime and then three weeks later, he was right back at it.

09/18/09 Friday Afternoon – 5+ - mad because I walked away while he was talking to go get a package from my mom, I apologized right away for being rude when he confronted me – would not take my apology and kept saying how I would say the next day that I was not wrong – very demeaning –brought up the day before and the ketchup again. I raised my voice and was having a fit because he would not let it go and would not accept my apology – cleaners were there – threatened to hit me and kill me if I did not be quiet, held me down on the bed